the dark

I never know how to respond when someone asks me what my biggest fear is. I wish there was a simple answer, one that didn’t lead my mind to pause and wonder. I know my dislikes and many of my limits, but what am I afraid of? The question itself is one I dread, because I truly do not know. I am afraid of not knowing, the unknown. To them I say, the dark. Because not only is that true in its physical form, I don’t like when I am unsure of what’s ahead. 

This makes me an unusual creature of habit. Not in the way I’d like, not always a successful routine. But I fall into the same habits, same people, same feelings. I have a habit of saying yes to everything. I know this isn’t always bad, and for some, it’s rather encouraging. To me, it is an easy way of knowing what’s next. These events, relationships, and tasks all have an expiration date. I am living in the moment! Only this moment. When it passes, I live in dread. What I fear is my familiar cycle. 

But if I am unprepared, unpracticed, I’m just scared that I will fail. That may be the reason I do.